And as the vision fades I'll say I was blinded by your eyes.

You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first.

Yes, it has been indeed 2 months since I've last updated. Not a lot has happened since then. Friendships have been renewed, ended, and made. I've learned what calming down means and what true hurt can feel like...awesome feeling...sense the sarcasm.

Otherwise, happy. I'm figuring something out now. I wish he would just say it because I'm sitting here watching it.

We stood all alone
Waiting for this day to come
And I held you close
But I couldn't feel your pain
I didn't know
This would be the last time
This would be the last kiss
This was our goodbye
If you were letting go
I should've been the one you told
I never heard you say goodbye
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Because lately I've been giving up
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
And your last goodbye
Made me realize
I'll be alright
How could you laugh?
How could you lie to me?
You held me close
But I couldn't feel your pain
I should've known
This couldn't last forever
The last thing I remember
Was standing all alone
If you were letting go
I should've been the one you told
I never heard you say goodbye
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Because lately I've been giving up
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
And your last goodbye
Made me realize I'll be alright
And so suddenly
I've stopped falling down
I believe in me one more time
And I'm sorry
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Sorry
I'm sorry
And I'm sorry isn't good enough
I'm sorry isn't good enough
I'm sorry

I haven't written for a while because i just don't have the words put on the page yet.

Did you have a hard time sleeping
because a heavy moon was keeping you awake
And all I know is I'm just glad to see you again.

 

Last night his friends finally said something to me when he wasn't around. I defended both of us and said nothing was going on. They didn't believe me. Then again, today certainly felt like I was dating him. We dropped his sister off at the airport, went thrifting, ran errands, went to the beach. It was so much fun, but the lines of friendship are starting to blur. Of course I don't even really know how to define that. I'm so afraid to say anything. I'm risking hurting other people, him, our friendship, and me. But now it's starting to get difficult. He still doesn't know everything about me and when he does, will he still accept me as I am?

For those of you that are not in the Milwaukee area, let me explain what's going on.

On October 24th, 2004 Frank Jude Jr., a black man, was beaten up at a party by three off duty police officers for no apparent reasons. This man was beaten so bad that he spent 3 months in the hospital before he even had reconstructive surgery on his face. Jude has lost hearing in one of his ears because one of the officers shoved a pen in it. The people at the party saw the officers do it and 2 other officers who arrived at the seen also saw the officers beating this guy up. However, tonight, the three defendents were found not guilty even though all these people saw them beat this man to a bloody pulp. The ALL WHITE JURY said that ALL of these witnesses were increditable. Bullshit! Consequently, there is protesting and rioting starting in the streets of Milwaukee and I say good for them because our justice system failed today.

Well, my brain is absolutely wrapped around him. He came over for dinner tonight and then he's taking me to Node to do homework after I get off at work at 11pm. It's Monday night which is when he always goes out with the guys but now he's going out for coffee with me.  I keep telling myself that he's just overly kind but things are getting more comfortable. I just have big caution signs blinking everytime I close my eyes. I never saw my life like this 2 months ago. I didn't plan for it yet it's affecting my plans.

 

grace cathedral hill
all wrapped in bones of setting sun
all dust and stone and moribund
i paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle
for a new year's day
i sat and watched it burn away
then turned and weaved through slow decay
we were both a little hungry so we went to get hot dog
down the hyde street pier
this light was slightly disappeared
the air it stunk of fish and beer
we heard a superman trumpet play the national anthem

and the world may be long for you
but it'll never belong to you
but on a motorbike when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight
are you feeling better now?

So I just go home from going out with Ben and his friend Luke for some drinks. I guess I'll add a name to the boy that I was talking about in the previous post. Sometimes I feel like I'm annoying him but then when we hang out it's so fun. I guess I'm just insecure and assuming. He's so much simpler than that, yet so analytical about some things. I love that. I love that he's so smart and that I can actually have a real conversation with him. Yet he can be really cool.

Just can't seem to catch up on homework. I do as much as I can possibly do before passing out after six hour rehersals and then I get bad grades on it.

 

My mom took me to see Rent last night at the Milwaukee Theatre for my birthday. It was amazing. The girl who played Mimi sucked...I could tell that her voice was shot.

 

On the way to Rent my mom told me that I have to spend more time with my dad. I asked her why and she said that he wasn't tell me everything about how bad his heart is after his heart attack last year. He needs a heart transplant because his hear is so damaged and it's inoperatable. Not fair...I just got him in my life.

 

My Godmother's brother in law died suddenly at age 35 two day ago. He was the most awesome dad anyone could ever have. His 12 year old adopted son and wife thought so too.

 

Play rehersal is getting better. I'm really organized and I only have one shopping trip left tonight for props. I also have to figure a way to print an entire front page of a newspaper by 7pm.

 

Through everything, I still had a great weekend with a boy. Probably reading too much into it but I guess it's okay to have a crush...or is it?

 

Well now I'm updated and these paragraphs probably seem as cold as I feel. What though my joys and comforts die, my Savior still is living.